Lost Coin Notes

February 2, 2010 Salt Lake City

Doen started this evening’s talk by saying that recently we have been
focusing on negative emotions.  When we sit deeper, understand more these
aspects of our practice may be claimed by the negative emotions of fear,
anger, and clarity.  So to deepen our practice it is not enough to have an
intellectual understanding of the practice but rather we need to have an
emotional experience and positive emotional experience will make a
difference.

With respect to positive emotion, Doen said that Maezumi Roshi grabbed him
by the heart and pulled him into the practice.  Maezumi Roshi had a strong
emotional connection both to the practice and to Doen and that made the
difference for Doen.  For us it is similar, we need a loving connection with
Doen, ourselves, and the practice to make our practice fly. To illustrate
what love is Doen told a Sufi story of a woman, who was loved by three men.
She dies before deciding which one to marry.  The first one vows on her
grave to take care of her family and everyone who was important to her, the
second vows to complete her ideals, while the third threw himself on the
grave and wailed.  As is the case with many tales it turned out that she was
mistakenly taken for dead and comes back.  When asked which of the men she
will marry she assuredly picks the third. She picks her lover by his
passion; the other two lovers illustrate the subtitles and understanding
rather than the fire and love for her.  It is this fire and love for
practice and life that we need to bring to our practice and our lives.
When we are in love the world looks different.  Love makes you feel love for
others.  This is what happened for Doen with respect to Maezumi Roshi.

The things we need to do for our practice will come out of love. Doen told
about how he would stay up all night drinking with Maezumi Roshi and then be
dragged into the Zendo with virtually no sleep while holding a job.  Caryn,
his wife, would say “you’d do anything for that old guy.” Doen acknowledges
that it was Maezumi’s heartfelt-ness that created this in him.  It was how
Maezumi felt about the practice, about life, and the feeling that this man
would step up to the plate for you.

We are encouraged to be brave, take leaps, and fly.  Thirty years from now
when we look back we will not feel like Doen was a jerk telling us this.  As
our teacher he is telling us to live with the heart and to take chances.  He
encourages us to open up, don’t be so cautious, and learn to fly.

In Japanese the word for spirit is ki (qi or chi in Chinese). Doen feels
that for us this concept is best captured by the word love. Love is an
all-embracing spirit. Let go and open your heart to love.  If you are
religious loving life is the same as loving God.  Be a loving warrior; go
forward with abandonment.  The Sufis say that a man of God is like a moth.
A moth knows a flame will destroy it yet it goes to it.  A man of God goes
for the flame. Without love, abandon, and appreciation our practice is
impotent.


In Chinese there are two concepts that can be applied to practice Ji
(technique) and Ri (background).  You can know Ji technique) but if the Ri
(background) is not there, you will not get it.  If you have Ri however you
can learn the Ji.  Doen thinks that everyone in the group has ri but wants
us to grow and appreciate life.  We have to do this with the heart.
Thinking the problems out doesn’t work.  We simply have to get up and say,
this is it – I’m changing.  Life is too short not to love it.

Doen said each of his three teacher manifest this in different ways: for
Maezumi Roshi it was to appreciate your life, for Daido Roshi it was to just
do whatever you want, and for Genpo Roshi it is to step into whatever
fearlessly.  Genpo Roshi once told Doen that he is not the kind of guy who
looks to see if there is water before he jumps into the pool.  Simply jump.

In traditional Zen some of this attitude is ritualized.  For instance,
making a monk is like a marriage.  The ceremony is called leaving home and
one doesn’t leave home for a marriage to fall in love, rather one is in love
and does a ceremony to express commitment.  Have that feeling of love and
make it your life. The Sufi analogy is that you should not be a tea-totaler
rather you should drink deeply of the wine of life. Be a wild person with
heart, vitality and feeling.  Live in a way that is consistent with the love
that is deep within you.

Doen is trying to say what Maezumi Roshi said.  This is the way.  When you
stop loving then something is wrong.  Put yourself into your practice body
and soul. Your body and soul will teach you what you need to learn in life.
When Doen reflects on his 60 plus years of living he is happy with what he
has done.  He has no regrets. Put your heart into your life and have no
regrets.  Go all the way.
